Category Archives: Music

Not my thing

Last night I went with Rebecca to the PRISM dance in Kirksville. I went fully expecting to have a good time and dance with my friends.

Well, I danced. Some.

I am just going to make it official. Clubbing is not my thing. I find no appeal in spending hours in a room lit only by strobe lights, bombarded by bass from songs I have never heard before, surrounded by drunken people of varying sexualities who seem to have forgotten the concept of personal space. I spent the entire time wanting to leave or just sit down. But again, these people were drunk and had no inhibitions to sit next to me and try to start a conversation. I usually am not intentionally standoffish, but last night I made an exception.

I could tell that Rebecca was unhappy with me, and I tried to have a good time. But I honestly do not understand the enjoyment people get from this. I mean, seriously, two guys were practically fucking on the dance floor. I tend to shy away from situations where that is socially acceptable. I like dancing and I like spending time with my friends, but when they all want to go onto the dance floor when there is a vast amount of space around it, then the fun starts decreasing. If you have been to one of Jen’s dance parties, you know full well that I spend the majority of the time dancing. But when you add strangers in close quarters, and combine that with the bass and sporadic lighting, I start stressing out and my introversion screams at me to get out as fast as possible.

I think one of the problems is that I really do not dance to songs I do not know or like. Mainly because if I do not know it, I am not sure of when the bass starts, when the chorus ends, those kinds of things. And if I do not like it, then of course I am not going to dance to it. If there was a club that played artists that I actually listened to, then I would be all over that. However, regardless of their dance potential, the artists I listen to are not found on Z107.7 and therefore are not found in clubs.

So next semester I may give it another go, or I may just stay at home and watch a movie instead. I love my friends and I love spending time with them, but at the end of the day I have to look after myself first. If that means offending or disappointing them, then oh well.

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Filed under Introversion, life, Music, Truman

Jack’s Mannequin and Relient K

Yesterday Laura came up to visit and to see a Jack’s Mannequin and Relient K concert, which was our Fall 2010 concert. At first, I was excited about this concert because I liked Relient K, but upon listening to some of their music in preparation, I realised that I did not like them as much as I had originally thought. So I went to this concert not expecting much simply because it is much more enjoyable when you actually recognise songs.

But I have to say, I had fun. And I have a bone to pick with Truman. If you are going to buy a ticket for a concert, wait in line for about an hour, and then fight your way into the mob of people in front of the stage, what the hell is the point if you are going to just stand there for two hours? Seriously, a handful of friends and I were some of the few people getting into the music. Most of the crowd was singing along, but refused to actually show their interest. It just seemed like a waste of time.

And at first I thought, “It is the beginning of the concert, maybe people will get more lively as it goes on.” WRONG! There were maybe two songs in which the majority of the group started dancing. I just do not understand. If you really like the band enough to be there, then why not get into their music? And if you are only there because it was cheap and you had nothing better to do, then how about you go sit down in the stands? Or, like me, you could still enjoy yourself. I mean come on. I recognised two songs, and one of them was ‘Africa’ by Toto. IT IS NOT EVEN ONE OF THE BANDS’ SONGS!

All in all, I had fun; even if I spent the last half of the concert drifting into sleep. I find it reassuring that I can fall asleep in a concert. It means that I can probably fall asleep just about anywhere.

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Filed under Music, Rant, Truman

What is this Feeling?

And as much as I wish it was; it is neither sudden nor new. Every so often, I reach this sort of slump in my life. I guess you could call it depression, but I do not really feel like the word fits.

For the past few days, nothing has really captured my interest. I have found myself tiring of people’s company much sooner than I usually do. I have this feeling of melancholy and sadness, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what is causing it. I was not like this last week. My only conclusion is the fact that Sunday was Valentine’s Day. See, as far as I am concerned, the only relationships I need are my friendships. There are very few people I would consider my true friends, but as long as I have them, I will be okay. Any type of romantic relationship would test my limits of patience, and I feel like the chances of finding someone that special to me are slim to none. So as long as friends are near, I will be perfectly happy.

Now if only I could get myself to believe that.

The thing is; when I get into this kind of mood, I do want someone. I want someone who will hold me and tell me that it will be alright. Someone who will be there everyday when I wake up, and who I can tell everything. Someone who will accept everything that I am without question. I guess I look for unconditional love because that is what I am prepared to give.

And then I hate myself for thinking like this. When I am doing fine, these are weak thoughts. I AM strong enough to get through life on my own, and dependence on another person is a weakness that I cannot afford. Because when you let someone else close, you are only giving them fodder to hurt you. And though I say what other people think does not matter, I am a filthy hypocrite, okay? I have already accepted that I will most likely not find someone who will fill this void for two reasons. One, I am a very easy person to annoy, and finding someone who I would be willing to make this kind of commitment to would be nigh impossible. Two: I am, to put it bluntly, a freak. I like myself the way I am, but I know that I can put other people off. So the odds that someone else would ever feel this way about me are also very slim. I am also gay, so that narrows my perspective considerably. (For those of you who did not know that about me, SURPRISE!! And if it makes you unhappy, keep in mind that I have been this way since before we were friends and you liked me all the same.)

So I guess the whole point of this rant is to say that I am fine on my own, but would like to find that special someone. However, hopes are not too high at the moment. C’est la vie, I suppose.

I want to apologise for doing this to you guys. If you actually know me, then you have witness one of my few moments of weakness. Do with this information what you will. And do not think any less of me. I am still the arrogant guy you all have grown to know and love, I just happen to have a softer side. Who knew, right?

-Ryujin

PS On a less depressing note, I have decided to change how I am doing my listen-to-all-my-music thing. If I like or dislike five songs by the same artist, then I will allow myself to skip that artist from that point on. I feel that this will speed things up considerably.

Songs Listened To: 111/8255

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Filed under Irrational, life, Music