Always Look on the Bright Side.

… Aaaaand now I am better. Literally as soon as I turned off the light and climbed into bed I was fine. I was back to my usual upbeat self. I guess that writing it here and getting it off my chest did me some good. Expect more such posts if I start getting down again.

I am currently watching The Return of the King with a bunch of my friends, although I am not paying much attention. I have already seem this movie once, and I do not think I can sit through another four hours without something else to distract myself. And as I have finished the Sim house I have been working on, there is not much else for me to do.

Today was pretty uneventful. In Spanish we just reviewed, and I was prepared so it was nothing new to me. I think I may have overreacted when it came to Spanish. I still dislike my teacher, but I think as long as I am prepared with the homework she expects done, then I will be fine. Statistics was boring, as per usual, but at least I managed to stay awake this time. As far as Calculus, we are starting conic functions, which I remember from Calc last year. So at least a little oasis of class will be review.

Tomorrow is University Conference Day, and thus there are no classes. This is both good and bad. It is good because we have no other days off in the month of February, and this is a much needed breath of fresh air. But it is bad because I have lots of work to do, and I doubt I will do any of it tomorrow. I will try, but I cannot make any promises.

Well, an epic battle is about to begin, so I should probably pay attention. I will see you guys later.

-Ryujin

Songs Listened To: 126/8255

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Filed under life, Lord of the Rings, Math, Movies, Spanish, Truman

What is this Feeling?

And as much as I wish it was; it is neither sudden nor new. Every so often, I reach this sort of slump in my life. I guess you could call it depression, but I do not really feel like the word fits.

For the past few days, nothing has really captured my interest. I have found myself tiring of people’s company much sooner than I usually do. I have this feeling of melancholy and sadness, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what is causing it. I was not like this last week. My only conclusion is the fact that Sunday was Valentine’s Day. See, as far as I am concerned, the only relationships I need are my friendships. There are very few people I would consider my true friends, but as long as I have them, I will be okay. Any type of romantic relationship would test my limits of patience, and I feel like the chances of finding someone that special to me are slim to none. So as long as friends are near, I will be perfectly happy.

Now if only I could get myself to believe that.

The thing is; when I get into this kind of mood, I do want someone. I want someone who will hold me and tell me that it will be alright. Someone who will be there everyday when I wake up, and who I can tell everything. Someone who will accept everything that I am without question. I guess I look for unconditional love because that is what I am prepared to give.

And then I hate myself for thinking like this. When I am doing fine, these are weak thoughts. I AM strong enough to get through life on my own, and dependence on another person is a weakness that I cannot afford. Because when you let someone else close, you are only giving them fodder to hurt you. And though I say what other people think does not matter, I am a filthy hypocrite, okay? I have already accepted that I will most likely not find someone who will fill this void for two reasons. One, I am a very easy person to annoy, and finding someone who I would be willing to make this kind of commitment to would be nigh impossible. Two: I am, to put it bluntly, a freak. I like myself the way I am, but I know that I can put other people off. So the odds that someone else would ever feel this way about me are also very slim. I am also gay, so that narrows my perspective considerably. (For those of you who did not know that about me, SURPRISE!! And if it makes you unhappy, keep in mind that I have been this way since before we were friends and you liked me all the same.)

So I guess the whole point of this rant is to say that I am fine on my own, but would like to find that special someone. However, hopes are not too high at the moment. C’est la vie, I suppose.

I want to apologise for doing this to you guys. If you actually know me, then you have witness one of my few moments of weakness. Do with this information what you will. And do not think any less of me. I am still the arrogant guy you all have grown to know and love, I just happen to have a softer side. Who knew, right?

-Ryujin

PS On a less depressing note, I have decided to change how I am doing my listen-to-all-my-music thing. If I like or dislike five songs by the same artist, then I will allow myself to skip that artist from that point on. I feel that this will speed things up considerably.

Songs Listened To: 111/8255

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Filed under Irrational, life, Music

University: An Update

So it’s been three weeks since school started for Truman students, and I’m starting to get a feel of how my semester is going to pan out. Allow me to shed some light on the subject.

Spanish 202: Intermediate Spanish 2- This is my least favourite class this semester. I actually enjoy learning Spanish (not enough to become fluent, but still), but this class is trying my patience. Spanish 202 is basically a review class. We have learned every verb tense, now we are getting used to when we use each and other fine points of grammar. But my teacher is not the greatest. She always tells us to follow the syllabus, but the syllabus does not have the homework assignments on it. But what homework we do she never collects, and she also never tells us what we are expected to know. I understand that it is a review class, but you should still go over what is expected of us. Especially when you assign work that involves grammar that we haven’t learned yet. If I wanted to review Spanish myself, I would not have wasted my time signing up for a class.

Statistics 190: Basic Statistics- This is by far my most boring class. To be fair, the material being covered now is stuff I have been able to do for the past seven years. Hopefully it will get more challenging with time. The great thing about this class is the fact that there is a pillar between our teacher and myself. This means that when I zone out, he can’t see me. This also means that I could sneak out of the class whenever I wanted. I haven’t done so yet, but it is only a matter of time.

Math 263: Analytical Geometry and Calculus II- Since graduating high school, I had forgotten how much I actually enjoy calculus. This is my one class where we are doing this the entire time, so zoning out is not an option. I can’t really explain it, but math is one of those things that I really like doing. I don’t even care that calculus has few real life applications.

Chemistry 121: General Chemical Principles II- My most challenging class, and also my most interesting. Not only am I in one of the most intense chemistry departments in the state (or so everyone keeps telling me) but I also am being taught by the most difficult teacher. This is nothing against Dr. McCormick, I really like him. It only means that I have to work my butt of to get a B. An A is basically out of the question. And the precipitate on top of the solution is lab. Labs may be a pain to prepare, and lab reports may be a pain to write, but they are totally worth it to be able to do something with my hands.

Well, I have taken up enough of both our time, so I shall leave you to your internets now.

-Ryujin

Link of the Day: http://www.daniellecorsetto.com/gws.html Girls with Slingshots. Pretty inappropriate at times, but generally a very good and enjoyable webcomic.

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Filed under Chemistry, Math, Spanish, Truman, Webcomics

Accomplished

I have just spent the last two hours working on a single project. I think that is the longest that I have focused on one thing in a long time. It’s not that I get bored easily, it is just that I think of other things that I want to do, and so I flit from one activity to the next, never spending much time on anything. But at the same time, I don’t feel like I have a short attention span; I just am interested in a lot of different things.

Here is the set up. I won’t go into the why, but I wanted to find some stationary. When I went to the only store in Kirksville, Wal-Mart, there was no stationary to be found. Thus I decided to make my own.

This required some serious software, software that I did not possess. So the obvious solution was to torrent Photoshop. This I did yesterday, and today I figured out how to get it working. And then the games began.

This project worked out better than I had ever anticipated. I was worried that I would get frustrated with my computer and stop, or that I would not be able to do what I wanted and thus would have to settle for something I was not happy with.

Basically, I made myself personalised steampunk stationary.

First Attempt at Photoshop (Pretty good, I think)

And all of this was accomplished during Asian Movie Day. With so many distractions, I can say that I am pleasantly surprised that I finished.

Unfortunately, school starts up once again. My only¬†consolation¬†is that this weekend I will hopefully be going to Columbia to celebrate one of my friend’s birthdays. So I just have to hold out until Friday.

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Steampunk and Cinema

Another day, another night I won’t sleep until 2.30. For the third night in a row, I have spent about seven hours watching movies with my adoptive house.

Lately I have rekindled my obsession with the world of steampunk. I have found a new web comic based in a steampunk world, and I will not rest until I have read all six years of comics. Also, I have been throwing around an idea for a steampunk locket, and I really like this idea.

In other news, in honor of Martin Luther King Jr., Asian Movie Day is tomorrow. I feel he would approve.

Not much to say today, sorry. But that might just be because I am still watching a movie with people, and I don’t like people watching me write. So until tomorrow, fare thee well.

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Filed under Movies, Steampunk, Truman

So Sue Me

So I didn’t get back into my room until 2.30 this morning, so looks like I forgot to post yesterday. Oh well. On the bright side, I watched three movies last night, so that was fun. I also kicked ass at LIFE.

I think today is going to be spent cleaning my room. Hopefully I will finish and not have to worry about this again until end of semester, but I rather doubt it. As much as I like to clean and organise, I am horrible at maintaining any level of organisation. Guess that’s just the INTP in me.

So sorry about not posting yesterday, I will try to be better about that from now on.

-Ryujin

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Filed under Movies, Random, Rant

Almost Missed It This Time

Totally almost forgot to write tonight. Good thing my blog is one of my most visited sites on Google Chrome, or I would have failed early in the game.

Anyway, I had something interesting happen today, and was excited for having something to actually write about; and I have forgotten it. But in other news I have finished organising my desk. Unfortunately it is the drawers of my desk, and so it still looks like I am a complete slob. Oh well.

And I have nothing more to say to you people. I bid you farewell.

-Ryujin

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